In 1985, as a freshman in college, I boarded a Greyhound in Terre Haute, Indiana. Stepping in just behind me was a young, nicely dressed, and attractive black lady. I looked the long length of the bus and saw only two empty seats: one was in the front row next to an older, grey-haired woman, and the other, about three-quarters of the way back, was next to a middle-aged black gentleman in a suit. I was torn but I don't know if I should credit my parents or my classmates that the race of my soon-to-be seat-mate was not part of the equation. My parents never uttered a bad word about other races; although, to be honest, because of where we lived, I didn't hear any words at all. On the other hand, owing to my bad experiences with growing up a runt riding school buses, I didn't feel like I wanted to make that walk and I didn't like the idea of riding in so conspicuous a place as the front. Little did I know, the decision was not mine to make. It became a decision made by my elders.
Barely had I begun to consider the situation when the black lady moved to sit in the front seat. The older woman stood up and confidently asserted that she should not sit there and that this nice young man (indicating me) would sit next to her while she (indicating the black lady) could sit near the rear. This prompted the black gentleman to rise and counter that, no, I would sit next to him and the black lady could sit where she liked.
I paused...wavered...and then I sat next to the black gentleman. I knew that he was right and I like to think that was part of the reason I made that choice. But it would be self-serving to say that I fancied myself a "reverse Rosa Parks." I was a deer in the headlights. In reality, I was too young and self-conscious to make any decision at all. The black gentleman was more forceful and assertive in his claim to my companionship and so I did as I was told.
I've thought a lot about this experience over the years. Although it happened very fast, it has not been lost on me that it happened at all and that no-one other than the two people already listed as wanting the company of my derriere made any move to weigh in. Was everyone else on the bus as caught off guard as I was? I doubt it. Surely some were surprised by the older woman being so brazen as to show her pre-civil-rights-era sensibilities in so public a way. Others were probably too embarrassed to speak up and since someone else was already handling it... But it is just as likely that many people agreed with the older woman yet knew better than to say anything and had I made the other choice would have inwardly believed that I had made the righteous one.
And so when I heard this black comedian tell his story about being asked to leave a coffee shop, not because he was black, but because he was assumed to be a panhandler, I had to wonder, thirty years on, "How far have we come?"
